Today I had a appointment with an intake counselor here in Durham. When she started talking about Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder, I had to stop her before she got to far ahead of me. You see my memory fucking sucks and if I’m getting a lot of technical information, I won’t retain it. So I had to slow her down, tell her I needed the information in child language, and take notes.
When I asked her about the difference in the two, she informed me there were only three real differences.
1) Bipolar is a chemical in-balance of the brain, Borderline Personality Disorder is something you learn as you grow up, basically a life’s lesson taught by your family, friends, and yourself as you grow up.
2) Borderline Personality Disorder is primarily about relationships and how you perceive them, including how you feel about yourself. One minute your hot or on, the next minute your cold or off.
3) There is no medical treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder as their is with Bipolar, just learning to relive your life.
So according to the Licensed Clinical Counselor I spoke with today, those are the only 3 real differences between the 2. Well thank you very much for someone finally explaining it to me. My next step is an intensive 90 days of therapy. First 30 days I will go to 3 different counseling sessions a week, the next 30 days I will go to 2, then the last 30 days I will go once a week. Each week will be a mix of group therapy and individual therapy. Should I decide I want to go to just one or the other therapy I will be dropped from the program as both therapies are connected with the other. The therapy sessions are called, Triumph. What the hell it stands for, I have no clue. LOL.
I concerned about this, because the Counselor didn’t talk about sending me to Psych Counseling. She thinks the Triumph program will help me with my Bipolar in it’s own way. My concern is that the Borderline Personality Disorder will take over, leaving the Bipolar mistreated besides by the medications they will be putting me on December 10th. So I’m at a confusion point with my disease and my lifestyle traits. LOL. I think that is how I will refer to Borderline Personality Disorder from here on out, lifestyle traits, since thats all it really is.
I did shock the counselor as I recounted my life. She told me she has been bad, but never that much bad shit happening in one persons live and that person still being alive. She then said the one thing that drives me fucking nuts “you seem like a very strong girl”. Do they not see it’s all a big fake piece of existence? The hiding in a corner from the world? Help me damn it! I’m a little girl stuck inside a big girl’s body!
Some new developments in myself that I’m coming across. 1) I’m seeing hallucinations, 2) The self mutilating has increased 3) I’m hearing voices and things that aren’t there. Woo Hoo someone call me a funny farm wagon. LOL. Thats actually what I almost told the counselor today.
Lord help me, surely I’m not getting that bad after being so long without my medication or counseling.
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